It’s kinda hard for me to figure out where to start to help you. I’ll try anyway.
the note created on a mobile device should show up on my laptop and I shouldn’t have to remember which device I took it on
That’s how DEVONthink works. Assuming correct setup and a completed sync, that’s what happens.
I don’t want to use my laptop as a local server, it’s a laptop, that seems really clunky in 2020
Well, then don’t. But then Bonjour is not an option for you, but I think that a mistake. Your choice.
I don’t know what the last year “2020” has to do with it. For a Bonjour setup it is typical to setup only one machine to “accept incoming” Bonjour connections, and is called the “server” as in fact it’s acting as one, even though for you it would be your laptop. Laptops work perfectly fine as a “server” on the network (local or even Internet) for many technologies. The concept of “server” remains with us in 2021 and will be there for many years to come. The important thing (to keep things simple and make it work) is to have only one machine set to accept incoming Bonjour requests.
More importantly, I understand that iCloud might have its quirks, but why doesn’t it seem like there is a way to at least start fresh? I have “desynced” all my devices, then from DTPro3 disabled iCloud, then reenabled it with a new encryption key, cleaned the remote location as asked, re-uploaded my dbs, cleaned all this on iOS devices as well, and yet, the issue is still there: databases uploaded to iCloud from DTPro don’t show in iCloud remote location on devices running DTTG.
I don’t understand how the “issue” that “databases uploaded to iCloud” don’t show up when you just said that you cleaned up everything. How can you clean up what does not “show up”?
If you rely only on Bonjour for syncing, after you take a note on your iPhone while away from the network, then when you get back to the network (home or office), and the machine that accepts incoming is turned on and running DEVONthink, then when you connect your iPhone/iPad to the network, launch DEVONthink ToGo, it will sync.
My suggestions (details in the DEVONthink Manual, pages given and @BLUEFROG may provide more details)
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Remove all the databases from iCloud (clean) on all devices (Page 174)
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Setup Bonjour on the laptop (as the machine to accept “incoming”) to expose the databases you with to sync. Then connect to it with your iPhone and iPad (both on Wifi to local network). (Page 57). On the portable devices, only synce the databases you need. Don’t over-do it as huge databases simply take more time to sync. I only sync my “Works in Progress” database (called WIP) where I keep notes, fresh documents being worked on etc. Stuff I collect from the Internet wil on those devices go into the “WIP Inbox” and when the sync happens go into the right places in other database with rules and auto-classify and all that stuff running on the “server”. This all automatic when I return to the local network (but in today’s world that is not so often I get to go out and about!).
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If you really want iCloud to be running, then set it up yet again. Don’t turn off Bonjour. iCloud might continue to be flakey for you. I noticed earlier this week when looking into some iCloud issues I had with my podcast software (Downcast) they report similar frustrations with the flakiness of iCloud. Works for some, but not others. Sometimes it works even though it doesn’t look like it. I don’t use it for DEVONthink as I have better things to do.
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If you really want internet synching, then look into the other alteratives that DEVONthink suggests. (whole chapter starting Page 55). As I said, even with Bonjour when you get back to the network all will sync. I guess what an internet service will do is allow your iPhone and iPad to be in sync while you are away from the network but with both using the internet service to synch, but only you can judge if that is worth the effort.